What Do You Do With Itsy, Bitsy, Diamond Earrings?

Who Do I Know That Would Appreciate So Little?

Photo by William Spivey

As pictured, these earrings appear to be about twice as large as they are in reality. They’re tiny, and I can’t imagine anyone opening the box, expecting jewelry, and not be disappointed. One would-be recipient told me that they would slide right through the existing holes in her ears.

You might reasonably ask how I came to possess a pair of studs with minuscule diamonds attached? I’ve been forbidden from relating much of the story for reasons that are unclear to me. Why is it that she can post a picture on Facebook, yet I, a writer, can’t write about my life? I wasn’t banned from writing about the earrings, though, so I’ll tell that story without revealing that which cannot be told. Here is the publicly available picture I referred to, which technically I’m reposting. That isn’t a violation.

Photo by Carol Burns

So, I recently made a purchase, and the retailer has a standing offer that for any purchase of over $1,500, the buyer gets a free pair of diamond earrings. I didn’t make the purchase (shown in the photo above) based on the earrings. It was sort of a bonus, one that I was sure…